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Archive for November, 2009

So the person of interest in the murders of those 4 police officers in Washington got out of prison because of Mike Huckabee… Former GOP Presidential candidate, and current talk show host on Fox News Channel.

In 1989, Clemmons, then 17, was convicted in Little Rock for aggravated robbery. He was paroled in 2000 after then-Gov. Mike Huckabee commuted Clemmons’ 95-year prison sentence. Huckabee, who was criticized during his run for the Republican presidential nomination in 2008 for granting many clemencies and commutations, cited Clemmons’ youth. Clemmons later violated his parole, was returned to prison and released in 2004.

Good job on this one, you moronic fuck. Still believe the earth is three thousand years old? 4 police officers are dead because you let that guy out of prison because of political bullshit.

Argh.

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Gee, I always thought you got AIDS from smacking ducks with a spoon.

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It has been 4 days since I played MW2 online – That is to say in an adversarial mode. I have zero desire to play deathmatch in that game because, honestly, I did all that in Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (for non gamers). I am not saying it’s not fun, because it is, but at the same time, it isn’t. Why? Because no matter how much better things get, the players are always the same – A bunch of Halo-trained, bunny-hopping, non-aiming, run-and-gun, Ramboesque fucktards.

I am very much a tactical player – I believe very deeply in the idea of the tactical shooter game experience. I am the guy who is careful, the guy who checks his corners, uses suppressing fire to pin down the enemy, and smoke to provide my team an advantage in shifting positions/disguising movement. I do NOT like to die in these games – I take that as a sign of failure. In theory, the guy who is careful and bothers to aim at a target from cover should prevail, but that is not the case.

Your average gamer is a 9-to-22 year-old whose first gaming experiences online came from Halo or Quake – games that teach the player that whoever carries a rocket launcher or who sees the other guy first is the winner in ANY situation. These guys don’t care about how many times they die – they don’t look at that as a failure – they are simply driven by getting the next kill and teabagging the dead, and then proclaiming after the match that the guy that died is gay, whilst the guy simulating fucking another man in the ass is perfectly straight *cough*bullshit*cough*

This is why I prefer Co-Op gaming vs. AI on Veteran mode [in the case of the MW games] – because the enemy AI is comparable in challenge to most live gamers, and because the people on my friends list are players that play like I do – Tactically. They don’t run and gun, they are the few, the proud, the careful – and I can game with them and not die a thousand times at the hands of a guy that will run around corners, shooting wildly in the hopes of killing someone.

That all said, this is not me trying to hate on MW2, because the game, in its single and Co-Op play modes is simply breathtaking, its just playing against no-talent assholes irritates me. If anyone from Infinity Ward sees this, PLEASE give me some sort of adversarial mode that penalizes R&G fucktards and rewards those that actually have a measure of skill – IE something similar to America’s Army. Damn.

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That is all there is to say about it.

The reason I have been distant from all my friends as of late has been Modern Warfare 2.

Tonight, I put that grand chapter of gaming behind me. I beat the game on the next-to-hardest difficulty, and I am setting the game down now, in hopes of resuming normal goings on amongst my friends.

The game itself was, in a word… Spectacular. That certain moment in the gulag made me smile from ear to ear (if you’re a COD4 fan, you know what I mean)… Then the final fight in the game near the end… the massive cliffhanger which CLEARLY sets the stage for either DLC, or a direct continuation of the unfinished objective in Modern Warfare 3… It was all… So epic. WELL worth the month wait since pre-order!

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Woody Allen’s A What?!?

Last night, I had a dream.

I had a dream that I was invited to go for a short ride on James Cameron’s yacht.

Why, I do not know, but it was a dream.

So in the dream, I am there with Cameron, and a few other people I do not recognize, and the one other person I do recognize is Woody fucking Allen. So that night, I can’t sleep – because it’s the first time I’ve been on a yacht – so I decide to go play around on the jetski that is towed with the ship, well, after about 20 minutes of tooling about on the jetski, I have to pee… Not a normal pee, but a full on ‘if I don’t go right now, my kidneys will explode‘ piss.

So I hop off the jetski and into the water, pull out my stuff yes I know I am in the water, so I don’t HAVE to take it out, but I do… and I start peeing and all of a sudden, I hurt. I put my hand in my pee stream in the water, and I feel lumps hitting my palm… HERE’S THE FREAKY PART.

I pull up a fist full of little red and yellow gummy worms… Gummy worms with little blue gill/wing thingies… but they are ALIVE!!!!

I freak out and hop back on the jetski and haul ass back to the yacht with one of the living gummy worms that I PISSED out into the ocean in my pocket. I get back onboard the boat and go to wake up the medical staff, but no one is awake, nor are they waking… So after a frantic search of the ship, I find WOODY ALLEN… only he wasn’t Woody Allen … HE WAS A BIOLOGIST… I tell him what’s going on and I ask him for a cup to put the worm in…

He doesn’t have one, but the thing was on his downtime from being a Biologist, Woody Allen is an amateur photographer. He pulls out one of those black film canisters with the gray lid (a pot holder for you stoners out there), dumps the film out, and puts the worm in it. He then puts it in his pocket and goes to the side of the boat. I ask him what the fuck he’s doing, as he climbs over the railing.

He looks back at me over his right shoulder and goes “There’s no time to lose, I have to get this back to the lab.” And he jumps the fuck off the boat and starts to swim to shore.


I woke up and I had to pee REALLY bad. I was nervous as hell too.


— UPDATE —

The following is Bacon and I discussing the dream.

Bacon says:
the bears is what got me
in my head i imagined the pixies from harry potter
Thomas says:
What?
bears?
what?
WHAT?
Bacon says:
….i totally read it as gummy BEARS
rotf
rotf
Thomas says:
hahahahahaha
Bacon says:
which is wayyyyyyyyyy funnier than worms
Thomas says:
hahah no these were worms … but they had wi…
OMG
I WAS PISSING BABY GOA’ULDS!
Bacon says:
dragonflies?
GAGAGAGA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAH
AAHHAHA

I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before. They were gummy Goa’uld. I watch way too much Stargate!

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Not Fluffy said:
ya know the thongs that blow up in your yard for the holidays

… has some interesting holiday traditions.

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California’s budget is still in the toilet, so what does the state government do? Tell animal shelters they can wait 3 fewer days before they put someone’s lost pet down.



What the fuck?


Here’s a better idea – Instead of killing little Sally’s kitten, or little Timmy’s doggie, how about you cut all those fluffy little programs for the fucking illegals that shouldn’t fucking be here in the first place? Hmm? How about that? If I were a pet owner in California, I would be packing up a moving van right now, otherwise, you could wake up to find your dog or cat goes missing one Monday morning… well, I hope you find him or her by Friday, or you better be prepared never to see your loved one again.

Too bad for you, says the Government, but hey, cheer up, we just gave a bunch of free money to Jose and Paco so they can sneak 64 of their cousins in next week. That should make it all worth losing your pet. Good luck hearing your children cry though.

When the hell is California going to float off into the ocean?

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