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I came to a sad realization tonight. I can barely remember the two most important people in my life.

Tomorrow is the 5th year anniversary of my grandmother’s death – my grandfather had passed a number of years before – and I find myself unable to remember their voices, laughs, or anything really unless it’s in little flashes of a memory.

This really hurts because I want to remember them, but I worry that in a few more years I wont be able to recall anything… and these people raised me, took care of me, gave me everything I ever needed or wanted – they made me who I am… and I can barely remember their faces unless I look at pictures.

I feel horrible about this.

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The Old War Horse

My cat just died. We buried him ten minutes ago.

He’d probably been in ten thousand fights in his life, and won probably all of em. Every morning there’d be a fresh chunk of meat missing from some various part of him – most notably, the lower corner of his ear, which, in the last 3 years of his life, never did stick straight up again, but rather, stayed cocked off to the side.

As bad as his injuries were, I really would have hated to see the other guys, because that old bugger was a brute for sure, once capable of fighting two other cats at one time. I still can’t believe he’s gone – even if I expected it to come to pass.

The old guy hadn’t looked quite right for the last month or so, he didn’t gain weight as the cold came, nor did his coat look shiny and freshly groomed as he used to keep it, but he seemed to feel fine – his eyes were still bright, and his meow was still a happy one… even if it hadn’t been the same one from before he got part of his neck ripped open.

Every morning, and then afternoon, no matter how banged up he looked, he’d be found, sitting on the deck railing, or before the door, watching the window, waiting for his breakfast or dinner, greeting you with a meow, a good dose of purring, and a few circles around your leg until the food was in his bowl.

He was found by the barn this morning about 11, just laying there barely breathing. Not long before, he was seen walking back across the yard. An hour later, he took his last breath and went.

I can’t stop crying.


Possum
5.02 – 12.2.09

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Not Fluffy said:
ya know the thongs that blow up in your yard for the holidays

… has some interesting holiday traditions.

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It’s an odd Tuesday morning. Went to bed before 8:30pm… Missed the last half of House, slept through 24, and all 3 airings of Deadliest Catch’s 5th season opener. Epic Fail on my part.

I haven’t been sleeping well, before last night, for about 8 days, but things are okay now because I got a great night’s sleep, and was up bright and early.

For some reason, I’m all emo about life. Specifically friends and the way I always seem to screw them over somehow. Bacon especially. She’s seen me at my absolute worst. On multiple occasions. I really have to wonder why she still considers me a friend. God knows she has every right in the world to hate me – she’s wished my legs would fall off, sure, but… they’re still there.

I have this uncanny knack for hurting people I care about. I don’t know why, but I do. And that’s not specific to just female friends either. Earlier in the year, I really hurt my buddy – whom we’ll call Stewart Gilligan Griffin all because of a girl and a … well, nevermind, I don’t need to get into it because Stewart and this female both read this… or at least did.

I know at least I’ve mended two fences – those fences belonging to Bacon and Stewart. Three if you count WoW Girl, but well, I honestly don’t think she knows what the real world is anymore. Such a shame. Anyway, Stewart was an easy fix – Guys fix crap easy, but with a woman, its a lot, lot, lot harder. In the case of Bacon, that one took many years, and even now, there are times when I wonder if, deep down, she’s still secretly wishing my legs fall off.  As far as I know, however, we are good. I like the place we are at now – even if I do have to walk on egg shells now and then.



Anyone else want bacon and eggs now? I do… for some reason.


I like to think that it’s all behind me, but I fear it might not be, especially when it comes to Not Fluffy. She treats me better than anyone ever has, and she’s been more than patient with me, and all she’s ever asked of me is that when I’m online that I pay attention to her, but no matter how hard I try, I have the attention span of a dyslexic goldfish with ADHD. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just seem to sit here, staring at the screen, reading everything she says, but I don’t reply. I worry that I’m going to upset her enough that she just gives up and doesn’t speak to me anymore – and right now, she’s really all I have.

Scary thought there. Losing her I mean.

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So, my mouse arrived yesterday, and spent all night in the cold, wedged between the front door and the… outer front door. Fortunately the shipping package kept her toasty warm and dry.

I looked upon that bright red box, ‘Microsoft Wireless Optical Mouse 3000‘ it read, the twin sister of my beloved mouse, resting beneath a form-fitting plastic bubble, and I knew I had found my next great love. It was as if I were at Circuit City, some seven-odd years ago, standing there, searching the rack of mice, when I saw her for the first time – My first love – my very first wireless mouse. All that emotion came flooding back, and it was like I was holding that same box, with that same beautiful mouse inside, the voice in my head screaming “TOUCHPAD BE DAMNED!”

I pulled the batteries from the ol’ gal just a short few moments ago. Who knew her first set of Duracell batteries would be her last? *sigh* She and her receiver are at peace now, resting comfortably on the corner of my bed. Some time later today, I will find her a safe nook in my closet, and perhaps, one day, she will know life again.

For now, however, the new lady and I have to spend some time together. scifiwire.com, here we come!

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I am…

Sorry.


Bacon, I am sorry your pet rat is dying. I am sorry I made fun of him, and… I guess, by association… you. I apologize. I guess I am not very open-minded about pets as you – I’ve never had a bird (which I find lame), or a rabbit, or a hamster or any other odd pet, so I guess I don’t get the connection you have to what is to me just a rat.

Though I did have a turtle… but it couldn’t bark, or mew, so it wasn’t the same.

I hope ben… or willard, or… whatever your pet’s name is… is okay. 😦

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Goodbye my love.

So I’ve decided it’s time to put to rest my first love – peripherally speaking.

Yes, after almost 7 years, my Microsoft Wireless Optical Mouse 2.0 is *sniffle* becoming senile – surely a sign of its advancing age – and will soon perish.

You’ve been there for me since my first map of Age of Empires II, all the way up to the magical World of Warcraft… You were there for me through MechWarrior 2, and fought with me to control armies in Empire Earth, and entire cities in C&C Red Alert 2… and even Generals. We built cities together in Sim City 3000, and we made a home together in The Sims.

Countless hours of Solitaire, Chess, JezzBall, and Paintshop Pro projects. You surfed blogs with me, posted on the boards with me, and saw me through many an RPG. You were also there for my first time connecting to the internet via Cable… and rode shotgun through many a porno download.

It is not easy to say goodbye to you, my dearest of friends; after all, who was there for me when I could not survive life with but a lowly touchpad? You were.


I will never forget you.

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